Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
