hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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