Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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