Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
