You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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