guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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