She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
