I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its about making memories worth repressing
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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