She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
