i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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