If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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