Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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