dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
