There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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