I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
