He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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