how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
