You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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