Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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