Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
