Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
