I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
