Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
