we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
