Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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