Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
