gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
