I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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