i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
