The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
