You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
