i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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