She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
