She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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