so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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