Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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