I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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