Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
