worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
