I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
