he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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