According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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