I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
