Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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