Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
