is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
