It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
