yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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