i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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