i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I believe in your delicious
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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