i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
