fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
