Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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