Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

(650): View more from California

LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

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(312): View more from Illinois

Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.

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(214): View more from Texas

No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(519): View more from Ontario

So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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(631): View more from New York

He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

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(954): View more from Florida

Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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(217): View more from Illinois

turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder

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(239): View more from Florida

I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.

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