Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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  (803): You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo http://tfl.nu/7wt5
  Replies (35) Good night (4155) Bad night (652)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.

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  (845): Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck. http://tfl.nu/wpar
  Replies (17) Good night (1094) Bad night (2808)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world

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  (914): I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world http://tfl.nu/9m7n
  Replies (40) Good night (5808) Bad night (1567)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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  (480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6
  Replies (13) Good night (5108) Bad night (1260)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong

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  (630): So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong http://tfl.nu/7whz
  Replies (28) Good night (1058) Bad night (6020)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just googled if crying burns calories

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  (416): I just googled if crying burns calories http://tfl.nu/qfsf
  Replies (14) Good night (1093) Bad night (3493)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1383) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse

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  (602): hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse http://tfl.nu/qtc9
  Replies (7) Good night (2259) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned

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  (210): He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned http://tfl.nu/rsut
  Replies (13) Good night (1830) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.

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  (305): It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/6i5r
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"

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  (845): I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen" http://tfl.nu/33mk
  Replies (6) Good night (1885) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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  (817): A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10 http://tfl.nu/8aoh
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style

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  (586): If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style http://tfl.nu/h4ek
  Replies (4) Good night (560) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.

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  (818): Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail. http://tfl.nu/0wm6
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool

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  (732): Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool http://tfl.nu/bwqp
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (149)

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