Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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