im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
