so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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