screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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