I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
