Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
