Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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