$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
