Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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