I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize