Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize