also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
