ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
