Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
