sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
