Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
