Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
