I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
