they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
