The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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