Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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