its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
