So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
