Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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