i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
