Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
