I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
